I admire writers and poets. They describe the tiny, hidden connections between things. Unfortunately I don’t have the talent.
I was thinking of Einstein’s famous saying “There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle; you can live as if everything is a miracle.”. Or in the same vein “Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder”. I mean it’s how you see it. Just think how a physicist sees/describes the sun and how a poet does. Accordingly the notorious love can be defined an obsession, a mental sickness, an anomaly a malfunction of hormones.
I was thinking about these last week. Couldn’t put them into words. Until reading something about the singer Amy Winehouse. I barely knew her, except listening to a few of her songs and having read the headlines saying she was eccentric and was an alcoholic. I was surprised when I heard some time ago something like she lied on the kitchen floor because of the pain of love. At the time this gave me a hunch that she could not be the ordinary spoilt celebrity stereotype.
Something I read today struck me;
“…They believe the singer’s decision to lay off alcohol completely for three weeks was a lethal “shock” for her tiny body. Family sources say she died after ignoring her doctor’s advice to cut down on her heavy drinking gradually.
….
…doctors had told Amy to gradually reduce her intake of alcohol and to avoid bingeing at all costs. Amy told him she couldn’t do that. It was all or nothing and she gave up completely.”
Can you see the relevance? Have you felt close to Amy too?
Hi Levent
Log time, no hear.
Your headline was well chosen but it is a pity that so many people think that is all there is just because they see it that way.
To me one of the moist beautiful descriptions is “as seen through your eyes, my love” and it is not only beautiful; it is also true. Until some years ago mixing blue and green in clothing design was supposed to be a clash of colors but in nature these two colors form beauty. It is truly in “the eyes of the beholder” that harmony is found if you really look for it. We should also allow our neighbor to find his own harmony and not prescribe to him what beauty is.
About the tragic life that you deal with much has been said and I don’t know whether any person can ever says what happens deep in the heart of his neighbor, even if they are good friends. Life is not ideal; it was not made to be idyllic just for one. It is a complex combination of many things and the best we can do is to seek out the good and what is true, and build our contribution to life on that.
Don’t be so quiet for so long again. I am also not very active in Posting and commenting right now but I still read as much as I can and I am sure I am not the only one who missed you. Regards to Metin when you next see him.
Hello Ike,
How nice to see you.
About seeing different, I tend to take it a miracle. Something that shows the greatness of God. There is one single world, but there are as many as the people worlds. Isn’t that wonderful?
I take a look at your blog every now then, I hope your health and eye is in good condition, as well as your big family.
Thank you for the kind words.
Best wishes
I felt angry at her.
Artists, poets, creative people in general should have a “numbing” button to press when life becomes absurd or painful beyond their power, thus protecting their humanity and sensitivity and preserving it for creative work only.
Thus helping them live long lives for us to be entertained.
While Amy was laying in her kitchen floor, bored people were jumping from one song to another on youtube, expressing strong opinions on her hairdo…
Your anger seems to target wrong side madam. 🙂 The collective greed of people wants sacrifices to grind. I believe such talent, such sensitive soul is usually beyond control. “All or nothing” as she said, swinging between the extremes.
Again a quote I like: “Life is a comedy for those who think… and a tragedy for those who feel.”
And yes I do hate the crocodile public tears too.
Hello Levent, just came over so I could bookmark your site, shall come around more often now that I know where you are.
Catch you later, mate 🙂
Hello Donald,
Thanks for coming by. 🙂
Get on with it and write a new blog, will Yah? 😦
🙂
Hi buddy!
A link to my blog? I’m flattered.:)
I have some thoughts but cannot get them into order. 🙂
Ooops, hold on, I had the link set to this blog instead of the front page 😦
Soooooorrrrrrryyyyy 🙂
Hello, Levent
I hardly know anything about Amy Winehouse, but I read a little today, although I don’t know if it’s true. She was ill, mentally and physically. She was unstable and sometimes violent. She tried every type of drug, including crack cocaine. Celebrity must be hard to deal with for many people and who knows whether she would have been alive in she had chosen a different life.
I see the complete abstinence from alcohol in a rather more prosaic way. She wanted to get well and she knew that it was “all or nothing”, for her, despite her doctor’s advice. I don’t read anything else into this. I believe it’s difficult for alcoholics to reduce consumption; they need to give it up completely.
Amy’s behaviour was destructive. She obviously had talent and intelligence and it’s sad she died. She was desperately unhappy, obviously. I feel she was so mired in drugs and drink she had little judgement about anything. except an understanding that she needed to do something to save her life. Perhaps, sadly, when she reached out for life it was too late.
About obsessive love, it is always destructive and is the antithesis of love. It is about power and control, not love, ever.
I don’t feel a connection, but I can empathise.
“Life is a comedy for those who think… and a tragedy for those who feel.” I agree.
PS I know what you mean about writers and poets. I too wish I could write. By the way, your English is very very good … and you even get the humour! Be proud, my dear friend!
PPS I have chosen to reply here, rather than your post on MyT. I hope you don’t mind.
Hello Bilby,
Thank you for this detailed reply.
Again, was it Prince Charles, who said, “love…whatever it is”. 🙂
I see some difference on the comprehension of love of east and west.
Doesn’t the need, desire, yearning for the loved one resemble the corelation between alcohol and alcoholic?
I’d love you to elaborate about obsessive love.
PS: Now, you are being modest. I have read some of your short stories.
PPS: Why would I mind? Thank you.
PPPS: Thank you for your kind remark about English.
Hello, Levent
I think poor Charles was embarrassed by the public question (how very English! :)) How that must have hurt the young girl by his side! I think he was pressured into it and she was star-struck.
I can see the correlation; not only does one need, desire and yearn, but one ‘thirsts’ for love; that’s fine, normal and human. If the love is unreciprocated, or the loved one falls out of love and leaves, the person rejected usually accepts it and moves on after a period of grieving. If he or she cannot, then obsession takes over and can have terrible consequences. That’s not love; it is selfish and narcissistic. Love should be life-enhancing and nurturing. That rather trite saying comes to mind, something about, ‘if you love something you should let it go …’
Obsession can work in some areas of life – career, art, music etc, but in terms of relationships it kills love.
The poet in your blog (I liked the story, by the way) at least poured his feelings into something constructive and didn’t hurt his loved one, except the snipe at the end, for which he is forgiven by me, as I enjoyed it. After all that time, he was still bitter enough to want to hurt her, whereas she was rather proud of being the object of a great passion (before the put-down). Aren’t human beings strange?
Please note, as a flawed human being, I rarely practise what I preach. 🙂
PS My stories are mere fripperies, Levent, but thank you.
Hello Bilby,
I was going to say I have never met a Polyanna like you before, than I read “I rarely practise what I preach” and I was relieved. 🙂
That’s a veery positive approach. I envy.
But it sounds too pure, too selfless and too perfect.
And I think you think this on the two extremes love and terrible consequences. I don’t think this is always the case.
What if / when the loved one dies and the other one continues? Should s/he move on? Is it the “healthy” thing to do?
I believe there is a great difference on the comprehension of love between east and west. (see the famous sagas etc)
Love is extreme, cannot be controlled.
I cannot combine the thoughts but I detest the approach that says when the pleasure is over dumb it. This is not love this is consumerism or hedonism. And selfish to say the least.
I could not express my thoughts well but I hope you understood. 🙂
Hi Levent!
I smiled at Polyanna; so unlike me, but I can understand why you say that.
I’m up to my oxters in paperwork at the moment and can’t concentrate on anything else. The worrier, always lurking, has taken me over.
I will reply though.
Take care. 🙂
Wishing you luck for whatever it is keeping you busy, Bilby.
Hello again, Levent
My paperwork is over, until the next stage. 🙂
It’s an ideal scenario in terms of mental health, that is all I meant. In the spectrum of human relationships there are myriad reactions to loss of love and who am I to say what is ‘normal’? However, the extreme end of the spectrum, obsession, can and does result in murder and sometimes includes innocent victims (children, relatives); love has turned to hate and it may always have been about control. If someone says, “If I can’t have you, no-one else will!”, they are not expressing love. No, it is not common, thank goodness.
Yes, I do think that moving on (horrible expression, but can’t think of a good substitute just now) is the healthy thing to do. Most people do ‘move on’ eventually, in varying degrees, even from something as traumatic as the death of a child. Grief is not static. I don’t think it’s possible for human beings to exist lifelong in a state of raw grief, thankfully. They are forever changed, of course, just as they are changed by other events in life. My friend lost his wife to cancer and it was many years before he was ready to try a new relationship. I felt (and he agreed) that it was a tribute to his lovely wife that he wanted to try again. They had had a very happy marriage and he missed that happiness and closeness. He never did marry again, but it helped him to re-engage with life.
Sometimes people elevate their deceased spouses to sainthood (I know a few) and declare that no-one could ever take their place. Call me cynical, but I have a suspicion that their marriages were far from perfect and they don’t wish to repeat the experience! I may, however, be wrong!
“I cannot combine the thoughts but I detest the approach that says when the pleasure is over dumb it. This is not love this is consumerism or hedonism. And selfish to say the least.” I agree, absolutely.
“Love is extreme, cannot be controlled.” I know what you mean, but what about a situation where someone walks away from a ‘grand passion’ when it is in the (genuine) best interests of the loved one, rather than indulging and feeding their passion by remaining? People can control their actions, if not their feelings. Now we are back to selfless, ideal love. 🙂
This is a complicated subject, Levent. I seem to be swinging back and forth between different sorts of losses and loves in a random and rather incoherent fashion; my apologies.
If I have ever read “the famous sagas etc” it was a long long time ago. Do you have any handy links? I think you are right about a cultural misunderstanding and I would like to have a look, even if I don’t get back to you on my feelings about it.
Wow, that’s some reply. Thank you Bilby.
I have read it three times and so much to say. Or so little.
Sometimes I feel I talk too much.
I don’t know any links about the famous links. Nevermind the links. They are worth being read in books. Laila and Majnoon is my favourite.
At least you don’t talk rubbish, Levent. I envy talkative people; I’m rather quiet, most of the time.
I’m hoping you didn’t need to read it three times because it made little sense! 🙂
Please don’t feel obliged to say anything, if you don’t feel like it. I won’t be the least bit offended. It was good to exchange a few comments; it feels nice and peaceful here.
PS Thanks for the title. I don’t suppose it’s possible to find such a thing at the local library, but one can always ask, before looking elsewhere.
And I envy quiet people. I always wanted to be one.
“What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.
Ecclesiastes 1:8-10” What a nice expression.
Most of the time I feel I talk in vain and ruin the moments.
Here is too quiet 😉 With your presence it becomes peaceful perhaps. 🙂
Thank you.
Yes, I like it too; it makes me feel calm and brings things into perspective, like watching stars.
You are too hard on yourself, Levent.
Your posts are interesting and attract a lot of comments. There is no strife here, as far as I have observed, so it feels peaceful. A good site. 🙂
Thank you, Bilby! 🙂
I just miss you, in a quite simple desperate human way. Oh my dear, I can’t be clever and stand-offish with you: I love you too much for that. Too truly.You have no idea how stand-offish I can be with people I don’t love. I have brought it to a fine art. But you have broken down my defences. And I don’t really resent it. —
Vita Sackville West, from a letter to Virginia Woolf dated 21 January 1926
Hi Brother
You are doing well; we all need to do these things our own way; provided there is no malice or that it does not offend, the words must come from you from the heart I should say. Its perfect then, no matter how you put it in words.
Stay close to Allah, my brother.
IkeJ
It’s always a pleasure to see you Ike. I hope you are keeping well.
You too brother.